How I Became Multicultural
by Yuri Slezkine · 01/21/10
I became Soviet in 1963 when the USSR beat Czechoslovakia in the World Hockey Championship on an empty-net goal by Leonid Volkov. I became Russian around the same time and for the same reason. I became exuberantly Soviet in 1964 when I joined the Octobrist (Lenin’s Grandchildren’s) League, and then again briefly in 1966 when I was admitted to the All-Union Pioneer Organization.
I became half-Jewish in 1967 when I told my father that Mishka Ryzhevskii from apartment thirteen was a Jew, and my father said, “Let me tell you something.”
I became mostly Jewish around 1968, when I became anti-Soviet. My father, who was already anti-Soviet, did not have the option of becoming Jewish.
I was officially classified as Russian in 1972 when I received my internal passport (on the occasion of my sixteenth birthday). I was temporarily reclassified as Soviet in 1978 when I received my external passport (on the day I was hired by the Ministry of the Merchant Marine).
I became Swedish for a day and a half in 1978 when I borrowed the identification papers of one Gunnar Gunnarsson (place of birth Göteborg, permanent residence Boda) for the purpose of surviving a visit to the rebel-held part of Sofala Province in the People’s Republic of Mozambique.
I became a published author in 1981 when Progress Publishers printed my Portuguese translation of L.M. Maksudov’s Ideological Struggle at the Present Stage. My attempt to translate a manual on mechanical engineering for Peace Publishers was aborted due to my unfamiliarity with the subject matter.
I became Iouri Slezkine in 1981 when the Department of Visas and Permission of the Ministry of Internal Affairs of the USSR received special permission to transliterate my name into French. I was dismissed from the All-Union Union of Communist-Leninist Youth and from the Soviet Army reserve.
I became Portuguese in 1982 after reassuring a Lisbon immigration official that I had been in the Soviet Army reserve because it was obligatory. Later that year, I briefly became British in order to qualify for the position of English instructor at the Portuguese National Guard.
I became an intellectual in the fall of 1982 for the purpose of graduate admissions. I had applied to graduate school for the purpose of legally entering the United States. I entered the United States after reassuring a U.S. consular official that I had belonged to the All-Union Union of Communist-Leninist Youth because it was a college requirement. I had made enough money for a one-way ticket to Houston by completing a translation of Gabe Mirkin’s Sports Medicine despite my complete unfamiliarity with the subject matter.
I became a Texas patriot in 1985 after two trips to Johnson City and one trip to Van Horn. I became an American in 1988 after naming most of the original thirteen colonies and two U.S. senators. I renamed myself “Yuri” on the same occasion.
I stopped being Soviet for most practical purposes in 1986 when my Soviet passport expired. I stopped being Soviet altogether in 1991 when the Soviet Union ceased to exist. I reverted to being Soviet in 1993 when I saw Igor Larinov play hockey for the San Jose Sharks. I became exuberantly Russian at about the same time and for the same reason.
Thank you for translating my book into Russian. I have never seen a Russian copy of the book. Like you, my parents were Russian. My father from Krupka. My mother from Kiev